Today I woke up and felt like a failure. A total, utter, all-encompassing failure. My mind was entrenched in the evidence of my looser-ship, my emotions were heavy, and I was proper grumpy. And here's the delicious, hilarious irony: just yesterday I spent 7 hours with business owners helping them to transform their own mindset and emotional blocks, get clarity on their vision, and understand the obstacles to their goals.
Well, what a difference 12 hours make!
This morning I spent at least an hour thinking I was a failure, 30 seconds trying to feel my emotions before pushing them away, and another hour or so after that feeling like a grumpy loser again.
It wasn't until I was driving my daughter over to her grandma's that the space woke me up to who I was being, and I apologised to my daughter for being in a bad mood. I then chose to shift gear (internally and on the gears) and asked her if we could sing a prayer together before listing 10 things each that we're grateful for.
I started off with a couple but wasn't truly feeling it. Then my daughter (4) - who is a master of gratitude - said 'I am grateful for my eyes'.
WOW, boom! Suddenly I was filled with gratitude for my eyes - I could SEE. I had eyes. This incredible thing I had taken for granted all morning - but that my little daughter was wise enough to be aware of.
I was grateful that I could see! That I could see this beautiful world we live in. That I could see my daughter's face. That I could see the road, that I was able to drive - because I had eyes!
How miraculous! How marvellous!
Instantly, my mind, my emotions, my whole being and perspective on the world shifted. I was rich! I started off that morning in poverty, and now I was the richest woman in the world.
And the beauty of it? If I'd have not felt like crap this morning I wouldn't have received the gift of being present to the majesty of my eyes! I would have missed it!
So, why was I feeling so crappy this morning? Well, that's well worth investigating too - if we're going for gifts, let's just keep at it. What was I thinking about? What was I doing? How had I slept? What had happened the day before? Was I keeping up with the practices I know support my growth, or had I skipped them (I had skipped them btw)? If so, why? What can new goals can I put in place to support my growth? How can I make sure that I return to feeling good enough whether I learn anything or not?
If you ever find yourself feeling like a failure (it may comfort you to know that every successful, smart person I've worked with feels that way sometimes/ a lot), look for the gifts, and then look for the wisdom - what can you learn? How can you use this a stepping stone for your growth?
Even the darkest thoughts and emotions carry wisdom. Our job - our bounty - is to see it.